By Tammy Thornton Hinckley
David Mamet, in his Masterclass on storytelling, casually mentioned Stoic philosophy. He referred to the ancient thinkers as “the porch guys” and encouraged aspiring writers to “only aspire to the things you can award yourself.” It was an unassuming yet impactful nudge toward Stoicism, which neither my friend and business partner, Steven, nor I knew much about at the time. But something about the simplicity of the message resonated: control your life, your actions, your reactions. Okay, we thought, Stoicism it is. And all of this while hanging out on the porch, contemplating life’s simplest yet most profound truths.
At its heart, Stoicism teaches us to focus only on what is within our control: our actions and reactions. The outcomes of those actions, or how others respond, are beyond our influence. This realization clears a path to live a life grounded in virtue—courage, justice, temperance, and wisdom—without being shackled by worry over reputation or success.
Marcus Aurelius’ wisdom further enriches this vision: “Speak the truth as you see it… with kindness, humility, and without hypocrisy.” This call to integrity and virtue forms the cornerstone of Stoic philosophy and is reflected in our brand’s tagline: Be civil or leave.
Steven created an image that became the logo for Stoics Society: a skull with a quill and scalpel crossed beneath it. The skull represents the ancient phrase memento mori (“remember you must die”), a reminder of life’s impermanence and the urgency to live virtuously. The quill and scalpel represent thoughtful speech and precision in action. As Oliver Wendell Holmes aptly said, “Speak clearly if you speak at all, carve every word before you let it fall.” This sentiment captures the spirit of the quill, symbolizing the care and clarity required in communication. The scalpel metaphorically sharpens the quill, refining our thoughts and intentions, ensuring that every word is deliberate and meaningful.
We launched Stoics Society amidst a cultural backdrop of rising polarization and incivility. Ninety-three percent of Americans agree there is a nationwide problem with civility. It’s not just about politeness—Stoicism reminds us that true civility requires robust engagement with respect for differing views. The Romans valued this deeply; their success as an empire was partially built on civil virtue, honest debate, and respect, even for their adversaries. When those values eroded, so too did the empire.
Be civil or leave, might sound cheeky, but it’s a playful reminder of an essential truth. In our hyper-connected yet deeply fragmented world, we’ve seen lifelong friendships dissolve and families divide over differing views. Social media amplifies echo chambers, reinforcing personal biases while stifling genuine dialogue. The result? A growing divide that feels insurmountable. But it doesn’t have to be. Imagine if we all approached disagreements with the understanding that each person’s perspective is shaped by their unique experiences.
I’ve spent much of my life worrying too much about others’ opinions or speaking impulsively without considering the impact of my words. Stoicism taught me a better way—to pause, reflect, and approach conversations with curiosity and empathy. We can’t know the full story of anyone we meet, their childhood, their struggles, or even the mood shaped by their morning commute. But we can strive to learn, to understand, and to show compassion. And when that feels like too much, we can at least choose civility. And if civility feels like too much? Well, there’s always the option to leave.
At Stoics Society, we believe that the principles of Stoicism and civility align perfectly with the ethos of classic style. Consider the Romans’ toga praetexta, with its dignified white fabric and subtle purple trim symbolizing virtue and influence. Our pocket squares borrow from this tradition with four purple stitches, representing wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance, a quiet reminder that we all possess value and influence, without the need to flaunt it. This philosophy informs everything we create. Our designs aim to merge timeless aesthetics with thoughtful messaging.
The Stoics Society name harks back to the “painted porch” (or stoa poikile) in Athens, where Zeno of Citium first taught Stoicism. Today, we imagine a modern painted porch: a space where friends and acquaintances can gather to ‘solve’ the world’s problems in a civil, pleasant manner. We hope you’ll join us on the porch because in the end, it’s not about changing the world overnight. It’s about striving, each day, to live with virtue and civility. As Seneca reminds us, “The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.” So, sharpen your words. Speak with kindness. Live with courage. And always, be civil—or leave.
About the Author
Tammy Thorton Hinckley is the co-founder of Stoics Society. She is currently working on a collaboration with J. Press and will be featured in an upcoming edition of the J. Press Icons campaign.
Tip of the hat from one Texan to another. Though I went to UT Austin, civility and a good sense of humor has always guided my interactions with A&M, our in state rival. My college roommate’s two sons both chose A&M over Texas, so life can throw some curve balls.
Howdy, fellow Texan! Earlier this week, I tried to explain the great Texas paradox—how we see ourselves as an independent, unified force within the U.S., yet we thrive on a healthy, humorous, and (mostly) civil rivalry between our cities, schools, and regions. Whether it’s UT vs. A&M, Dallas vs. Houston, or who makes the best brisket, we debate fiercely—but at the end of the day, we’re all Texans. And that’s a bond stronger than any rivalry. Gig ’em, Hook ’em, and pass the queso!
I feel like I’d look pretty good in a toga.
If John Belushi could get away with it, then I say go for it! Just remember—true Stoic wisdom pairs well with a toga, but maybe skip the food fight.
The world needs a few uncivil people. They’re the ones who throw tea parties in Boston, reply “Nuts” to surrender demands at Bastogne, and charge up burning skyscrapers to save lives in New York. You might want them to leave, but you might need them to lead.
And egads, I’m another UT-Austin alum.
I appreciate your perspective, and it’s always great to connect with a fellow Texan.
When I talk about civility, I’m not just referring to politeness for the sake of appearances. For me, civility doesn’t mean complacency; it means fostering an environment where ideas can clash productively rather than destructively. It’s about how we engage with one another—challenging, debating, and standing firm in our beliefs while maintaining respect for those around us.
Interestingly, civility has multiple dimensions beyond politeness. Research suggests it includes both etiquette and what’s called “public-mindedness”—recognizing and respecting others as free and equal members of society. This involves moral civility, which rejects racism and discrimination, and justificatory civility, which ensures that public debate isn’t driven purely by self-interest or factionalism. In this sense, even acts of defiance—like the Boston Tea Party—can be understood as expressions of civic responsibility when they uphold broader principles rather than devolving into hostility.
As for the example of replying “Nuts” at Bastogne—what’s interesting is that General McAuliffe’s response, though defiant, was also civil in its own way. He didn’t resort to vulgarity or hostility; instead, he made a firm and clear stand with a single word. Strength and civility are not mutually exclusive. In fact, some of history’s most powerful moments of resistance were delivered with unwavering resolve and restraint. The ability to hold one’s ground without resorting to cruelty or chaos is a true mark of leadership.
And as for running into a burning building in NYC—what could be more civil than risking your own life for others? Civility at its core is about service, responsibility, and acting for the common good. True civility isn’t just about how we speak to one another; it’s about what we’re willing to do for one another.
“Be civil or leave” isn’t about suppressing strong opinions or avoiding difficult conversations. It’s about the way we engage—and let’s be honest—we don’t seem to be suffering from a shortage of uncivil behavior.
Howdy! I appreciate your thoughtful response and agree with a great deal of it. The point I tried to make was that sometimes there is no time for thoughtful debate. Some moments require immediate and meaningful action.
More broadly, I worry that some people will seek stoicism and end up repressing their true emotions. I know that’s not your aim, but it could be a slippery slope for some.
Personally, any attempt at stoicism by me would be like an elephant trying to ice skate. Some things can’t be fixed.
Just curious, the blazer, upon which the patch is sewn, is that flannel?
https://stoicssociety.com/products/omnia-vanitas-patch
Great eye! It’s actually a wool/cotton blend I picked up at a vintage shop… with maybe a touch of poly (eeck). But it had just the right character for the patch—classic, a little worn-in, and full of stories!
Baltzell’s body of work confirms what many amateur sociologists had suspected for a long while: the liberal-yet-muscular Christianity of Mainline Protestantism was the driving (cultural) force in America — until recently (think Nixon Administration). This correlates with all the stoicism-inspired civility stuff because the values that defined Mainline Protestant culture included, most prominently, gracious cordiality and a puritan(ical) allergy to the profligate and the vulgar. If Mainline Protesantism, most notably the British (Anglican/Episcopal, Presbyterian, Methodist, Congregational) and German (Lutheran) incarnations, were a workday ensemble, it would be a clerical grey worsted flannel suit, well-worn oxford, and a dark-hued, threadbare wool challis tie. Or, for the weekend, a cheviot tweed jacket-brushed / shetland crewneck / moleskins combo.
The great Jay Walter once observed Brooks and J. Press idenfitied (discovered?) their market(s) by attempting to cater to a very narrow audience: Basically the governing boards (vestries, sessions, councils) of congregations and parishs — and subsequently the schools (secondary and college) they attended and supported. Politically, it was the infrastructure of the old Liberal Establishment (think Cyrus Vance Sr., Averell Harriman, Dean Acheson, etc.), and, more particuarly, the brain trust that undergirded Wilsonianism, FDR’s New Deal, and the Stimsonian tradition that George Marshall and his disciples.
Now that the values of this once prominent establishment has been abandoned (and frequently mocked and ridiculed), we can’t expect any of the old, time-tested institutions will thrive as they once did. Civility must be about more than mere manners, politeness and even good will. As a matter of some necessity, it entails the (admittedly snobby) aversions to populism, dogma, and excess.
That’s an interesting perspective. A lot of the values tied to Mainline Protestant culture—civility, restraint, and quiet authority—do seem to align with Stoic principles. Maybe the real challenge today is figuring out how to uphold those ideals in a world that often feels at odds with them, while still making meaningful progress.
For me, this way of thinking and living brings a sense of tranquility. It’s not about clinging to the past or resisting change, but about finding steadiness and purpose in how I move through the world. And honestly? It helps me sleep better at night.
Thank you for the insight.
Cheers.
This is naive to the point of auto-genocide, like bringing a squirt gun to a nuclear war.
This is why the WASP aristocracy in America died out, and why Western Europe is in the process of becoming Afro-Muslim — something I am completely in favor of, by the way, for the simple reason of an unabashed admiration for the cosmic law of cause and effect.
That cowards should be ruled by tyrants is just. That a decadent race should be conquered by barbarians is just. That Europeans, having lost their spirit, should be replaced by races with spirit, is just.
The law is eternal, and applies beyond space and time in all dimensions of reality.
The old gods are dead, the blood is thin, and the model wearing preppy clothes in the age of commerce and caricature is not an Anglo-Saxon, but its opposite.
Standards have slipped even in Delphi. I consult the Oracle only to find it’s Magic 8 Ball.
Even if the Oracle has turned into a Magic 8 Ball, the question remains: ‘What is within my control?’ The answer is always the same—my actions, my reactions, and how I choose to move through the world.
‘Outlook not so good’ seems to be the default prophecy these days. But maybe the Oracle was always just a mirror, reflecting the questions we bring to it. If all we see is a Magic 8 Ball, perhaps it’s time to ask better questions.
Tammy, my comment was related to the pomposity of Chensvold’s above. People who take themselves too seriously are boring.
Naive? What a lovely compliment! I haven’t given up on the idea that strength and civility can coexist. As for ‘auto-genocide’—memento mori, right? If everything is impermanent, then maybe the real challenge isn’t obsessing over decline but choosing to live purposefully while we’re here.
I’ve noticed that when everything is framed in all-or-nothing terms—either dominance or destruction—meaningful discourse and human connection tend to break down.
If there’s a law of cause and effect, as you suggest, the real challenge isn’t just who rises and who falls but how we engage with the present. Do we react with division or try to cultivate something lasting—strength and civility? I’d like to believe the latter is still worth striving for. But hey, maybe that’s just my squirt gun talking.
Good to see you, Christian! When I saw the title I actually hoped the article was penned by you, I was disappointed when I scrolled to the bottom to see the author name. I for one, lament the large-scale replacement of the demographics of the West, some would say, a great replacement. I do suppose, though, God gives us what we deserve, and we deserve a lot worse than this. Christ be with you, friend.
That lightly educated Jordan Peterson acolytes would opine on the “spirit” of a race is predictable.
That dime store philosophers live in rented apartments at middle age is just.
That would-be ubermenschs side hustle on Patreon may not be just, but sure is amusing.
Where art thou, O Trad-man?
One of my favorite but often challenging quotes: It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
Aristotle
Very good blog. Thank you.
Chenz-
According to the Pew Research Center, Europe’s population was 6% Muslim in 2010, and is projected to be 8% Muslim by 2030.
It’s about 2% black (across the EU).
But, please do tell us more about naïveté.
Will 2025 be the year Ivy Style finally merges with The Daily Stormer?!
These comments are wild. But, in the wise words of our barefoot-wanderer-cum-Steve Bannon, General von Chens, “cosmic cause and effect…”. Or something.
Ivy Style does not condone hatred or racism. Articles espousing Far Right or Neo Nazi content will not be posted here. The original post which inspired the discussion in the comments is about Stocism, a school of philosophy that flourished in Ancient Greece and Rome. Opinions expressed about the post belong to each commenter individually, not to Ivy Style.
Matthew-
What is it, exactly, when someone inaccurately suggests a continent is becoming “Afro-Muslim”? How about when someone suggests – again, inaccurately – that the “demographics of the West are being replaced”?
As the editor of Ivy Style, I am not here to defend comments made by others. You have to take up such issues directly with them.
Search the web for “most popular baby name in england and wales” and get back to me.
cop out:
phrasal verb of cop
INFORMAL
avoid doing something that one ought to do.
“he copped out at the last moment”