Campus Shop Launches Preppy Antifa Collection In Effort To Court New Customers

Axelrod’s, a menswear shop founded in 1954 and serving Aldrich College, the small liberal-arts school located in coastal Connecticut, has taken a bold step in attracting new customers by launching a collection aimed at anti-fascist student protestors.

“We’ve always been resistant to change and have sold the same buttondowns and tweeds since ’54,” says owner Pierce Axelrod, whose grandfather Stanislaus founded the shop. Pierce, who graduated from Aldrich in 2015 with a major in Imperialist Textile Studies, says he became #woke at school and “wants to rescue the shop from its problematic history and usher in the era of Trump Resistance.”

Aldrich College, founded in 1848, was once known as “the rich dumb man’s Yale.” At $118,762 in annual admission fees plus room and board, it is the most expensive private college in North America.

It is also one of the most progressive: all sports teams, male and female, were disbanded in 2014 for “fostering a culture that unjustly rewards the physically talented.” An intramural yoga league briefly emerged as a possible replacement, but it too was deemed too competitive. Aldrich eventually made national headlines when it instigated its so-called “male bonding ban,” which requires that male students who gather in groups of three or more anywhere on campus must be accompanied by a female administrator and drone-operated video surveillance.

Axelrod’s opened in 1954 just as the Ivy League Look was spreading across America, but has been operating at a loss since 1968.

Along with the cutting of athletic programs, the election of Donald Trump has led to a dramatic surge in campus protests as a form of recreation and exercise. Axelrod’s sees a great opportunity, says Pierce, to balance the needs of the few remaining faculty members who require tweed sportcoats and grey flannels with the emerging gear and equipment needs of current undergrads.

And so later this month Axelrod’s will debut the Preppy Antifa Collection. Highlights include pima cotton masks in navy, “since black isn’t a preppy color,” says Pierce. They come with pink stripes symbolizing solidarity with the school’s biggest minority, individuals who identify as female, which makes up 78% of the student body.

Also in navy is a cable-knit hooded sweatshirt emblazoned with a tasteful crest and the words “Preppy Anarchy.”

Also in the collection are plain-front cotton duck trousers with 1.75-inch cuffs, bloodstain-resistant technology, and a clear vinyl pocket with velcro closure in which wearers can prominently display their father’s business card.

The accessories part of the collection includes a penny loafer made with old-school golf spikes for traction and a retractable blade in the toe for self-defense. Wayfarer-style sunglasses come with pepper-spray-resistant lenses.

The Preppy Antifa collection starts at $125 for masks and tops out at $480 for the pepper-spray shades. The prices may seem a bit steep, Axelrod says, however, “most anti-capitalist activists receive generous monthly allowances.”

All in all, Pierce says, he hopes the collection can benefit student life at Aldrich College. “I think during times of crisis, such as when a controversial speaker is invited, students should be able to destroy their campus in style.”

26 Comments on "Campus Shop Launches Preppy Antifa Collection In Effort To Court New Customers"

  1. Finally, a shop that caters to my needs. #BashTheFash

  2. MacMcConnell | April 1, 2017 at 11:55 am |

    April Fools!

  3. Maurizio L. | April 1, 2017 at 12:27 pm |

    I only realized that this was an April Fool’s Day posting when you mentioned that Donald Trump had been elected, since everything else was believable.

  4. MacMcConnell | April 1, 2017 at 2:13 pm |

    This was clever and timely humor.

  5. rvpress59 | April 1, 2017 at 2:21 pm |

    Prefer Faber College.

  6. Orange Fiji | April 1, 2017 at 2:29 pm |

    Got me there for a second. Good one Christian!

  7. Would love a pair of those golf shoes with the Rosa Klebb hidden blade.

  8. I dated a girl named Regeinna back in the ’80’s who was a Wesniack scholar at Aldrich College in the field of pocket composting and sustainable mulching practices.

    Will

  9. Mitchell S. | April 1, 2017 at 5:43 pm |

    I was fooled for a minute.

    This reminds me of the time Google News reported that the military was recruiting and training cats to be assassins. It was almost plausible.

  10. Have Lawrence Kroger or Ken Dorfman posted any comments recently?

  11. If one Googles “Aldrich College” articles on two Big12 basketball players from the last decade, now in the NBA pop up.

  12. Everytime I read the word “Antifa ” , I imagine a 1970s palestinian terrorist organization. 😉

  13. Can we get that Preppy Anarchy logo embroidered on some chinos? Thanks.

  14. Now I know how fish feel after taking baited hook.

  15. Anonymous Trad | April 2, 2017 at 8:35 am |

    Yes, Maurizio L, truth is stranger than fiction.

  16. I knew just from the picture that you were up to your spring foolishness again. These are always so clever and I’m sure you have a perma-grin on your face as you type. In other news, I just bought online a Red Fleece Seersucker to wear on Easter; let’s see if BB plays an April Fools on me.

  17. Mitchell Lee Annis | April 2, 2017 at 6:51 pm |

    Genius. You had me fooled. I looked the college and everything.

  18. I looked on Ebay for some old Axlerod tweeds………

  19. Goy Orbison | April 4, 2017 at 10:23 am |

    Thank god someone is brave enough to mock these degenerate leftists. If only you were brave enough to mock degenerate muslims too. Your next satirical piece should be about the caliphate, complete with a Preppy Handbook-style drawing of the prophet.

  20. You draw the cartoon and I’ll run it, and then I’ll see you in hell.

  21. Hell, I’d go to Hell for that, too.

  22. Charlottesville | April 5, 2017 at 1:00 pm |

    Sorry to be so late to the party, but this is spot-on satire. Thanks for the good laugh, Christian.

  23. If only the rest of Nazifa were an April Fool’s joke…

  24. Tread lightly.

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