Don’t blame me. There is an official association for cornhole (is it Cornhole? – Somebody?) and one of the first things you read on the site is: “You bring the drinks and…” Which is kind of cheap for an association, I would think dues would pay for drinks. It isn’t like they are going for collective bargaining.
But that’s not where to go for cornhold boards. At all. Where you want to go for either a personalized (or not) cornhole board is my friend Susan’s website, Themuddydog.com. Here’s a link.
I FINALLY figured out how to add links to pictures. Click this. IT WORKS. And before you get the idea of pitching her cornhole boards in repp tie patterns, I already did, and she was already doing it, kinda. Keep reading.
The Where now covered, let’s figure The Why. Some of the stuff I write on here, in the back of my head I am going, “I hope they don’t know that already.” But this, I bet my feet you do not know. In cornhole circles, credit is given to a German cabinet maker named Mathias Kuepermann who, in 1325 was watching some kids throw stones in a hole and made boards out of stuff laying around the shop. Why the kids don’t get credit? I don’t know. I also don’t have any proof to offer that Keupermann got their first. Native Americans used to play a version of cornhole with bladders filled with beans. Actually, cornhole may be a version of the bladder game. I guess we will never know.
Patent drawing for Parlor Quoits. This is definitely post bladder.
The talk of bladders brings me back to the drinking aspect of the game. Which is reason number one why you want to play cornhole. It is one of the rare things you can do where you get to both drink and keep score. As always, I recommend the madras. My secret recipe bears repeating.
It isn’t about measuring amounts, it is about measuring time. Take glass. Fill it with ice. You are going to want more than one, which is why we are front-loading with ice. Then, get vodka. Pour. Count to six. For a bigger glass, count slower, duh. Always six. Then orange juice, pour, count to three. Then cranberry juice, count to two. Stir. Play cornhole.
The second reason you want to play cornhole is that you can dress well for it. Here:
Ok, yes, that looks, at first glance, like a clip at the end of those suspenders. BUT. There are ties, khakis, and beer.
Dressing well for cornhole is not a requirement.
… an alternative to khakis and polo shirts, if you are so inclined.
Or…
FORMAL cornhole. But still, beer and wine. Those are really Mr. and Mrs. cornhole bags. I am not impressed. Show me Mr. and Mrs. cornhole bladders.
Why do I recommend The Muddy Dog? Because they have Ivy-ed up the game. First, Susan is Ivy. We have exchanged a few emails, and you can kinda tell. She thinks she is prep, but I am working that out with her. Here, for example, are some Ivy cornhole boards you can get that their site.
This is another link. If I had known how to do this a year ago, I could have been much funnier. But stay tuned.
But the personalized cornhole boards. Those are the jam. Here are some we are working on over here. I will show you them when they are made, but this is the idea:
Right?
And here, we are starting to Ivy them up:
When these are done, I am going to spill a madras on them and show you how they clean up. Purposely spill, I mean.
But the third reason is the most important. The Muddy Dog is going to advertise here (and I am pitching Susan Ivy all over the place, seriously, go check out their site, it is Ivy fraught) and so I am coordinating a photo shoot for the cornhole boards. I am going to feature my family, because they work cheap. So I asked Gramercy (my 14 year old daughter if you are new here) and she said, and this is a realtime quote:
“Huh. Sounds kinda fun. Can I bring Carolina?”
Carolina is her friend. But it gave me a picture. Of Gramercy actually doing stuff with me. And liking it. And then, when I can’t bend over any more, stealing the boards out of the garage and playing with her kids. And not telling them these are grandpa’s boards. But still.
Beanbag Toss, please! I am blushing. We have the game here in the Upper Midwest. Or at least I have heard tell of it in Wisconsin, Illinois, and Michigan.
On a sadder note, J. Press was all out of my particular shirt dimensions, darn it. Some amazing prices though.
Kind Regards,
H-U
That picture of the guys playing is from Sioux Falls. Check back at J. Press, they are getting it going again, so who knows? – JB
whiskeydent, I have a great solution for that. Next time someone asks, “hey, you up for some cornhole?”, your response can be: “Oh, you mean parlor quoits?”
Another informative and chuckleworthy post! I remember hearing an NPR segment about this game, and how there is a (somewhat tongue-in-cheek though also extremely serious) cornhole league with official rules and regulations down to some granular detail. (I meant to do that.) I’ve seen and played this game at a couple of local Willamette Valley vineyards and elsewhere, and can confirm that the game is improved with drink. The name, however, is unfortunate.
I’ve seen wares from The Muddy Dog elsewhere on the Internet and am glad to see them mentioned here, as well. Those rep stripe cornhole boards are fantastic. Definitely headed over there to check them out.
Beanbag Toss, please! I am blushing. We have the game here in the Upper Midwest. Or at least I have heard tell of it in Wisconsin, Illinois, and Michigan.
On a sadder note, J. Press was all out of my particular shirt dimensions, darn it. Some amazing prices though.
Kind Regards,
H-U
That picture of the guys playing is from Sioux Falls. Check back at J. Press, they are getting it going again, so who knows? – JB
Another good one. You’re hittin’ out of the park, JB– like Hank Aaron during pregame batting practice.
Cornhole takes me way back. Fraternity house backyard. Coors Banquet, worn out khakis, frayed oxfords. Good times.
* proviso to previous comments vis a vis socklessness was/is youthful wearing of beer-stained camp mocs. Perfect for cornhole.
Me too, H-U. Both Press and The Andover Shop are sold out of what I need. I guess I’ll have to monitor their sites more diligently.
Where I grew up horseshoes was more popular, but I’ve seen cornhole played in the midwest. Better drinking game than is polo I would think.
I’ve never played this game because I’ve never gotten past the name.
Live in Chicago area, go back to Champaign for Homecoming, vacation in Wisconsin.
I’ve usually heard it just referred to as “Bags”. Just looked up my favorite outdoor BBQ joint/bar, they refer to it as “bags”.
whiskeydent, I have a great solution for that. Next time someone asks, “hey, you up for some cornhole?”, your response can be: “Oh, you mean parlor quoits?”
It’s possible to drink while playing badminton. I’ve a lot of experience with this. Another corner of the fraternity house backyard.
Another informative and chuckleworthy post! I remember hearing an NPR segment about this game, and how there is a (somewhat tongue-in-cheek though also extremely serious) cornhole league with official rules and regulations down to some granular detail. (I meant to do that.) I’ve seen and played this game at a couple of local Willamette Valley vineyards and elsewhere, and can confirm that the game is improved with drink. The name, however, is unfortunate.
I’ve seen wares from The Muddy Dog elsewhere on the Internet and am glad to see them mentioned here, as well. Those rep stripe cornhole boards are fantastic. Definitely headed over there to check them out.
whiskeydent hit the nail on the head.
Bored of the board