French Post

Sunday is the day for making a big breakfast, such as French toast. Which rhymes with post. Because, well… Happy Bastille Day from Eric Twardzik, who wrote this poem in honor of French Ivy.

* * *

The French Ivy look doesn’t, exist some say

It’s imagined, conjured, invented yesterday

Such opinions are offered online willy-nilly

But all of its authors come out looking silly

When you respond that French Ivy exists

Same as gravity, mustard, pop rocks and zits 

To start, you’ll want a good corduroy jacket

And an OCBD, made with a smart French placket

No, sorry, that isn’t what I meant to say

What I really mean is a shirt made the American way

A soft button down collar, unfused, with no lining 

Like John Brooks saw in England before designing

Then add a pair of high-rise chino pants

Surely someone has to make those in France?

If not, I’m sure that you could make do 

With an unpleated pair that’s made in Peru

For your feet, there’s nothing else left to say

Besides “buy a pair of loafers that come from Norway.”

Around your neck should be a silk knit tie

That’s factory-made by some Italian guy

Once all these things are worn on your person 

You’ll feel free from outside influence or coercion 

At long last, you will stand up and say

“Vive Le France, and the French Ivy way!”