Don’t blame me. There is an official association for cornhole (is it Cornhole? – Somebody?) and one of the first things you read on the site is: “You bring the drinks and…” Which is kind of cheap for an association, I would think dues would pay for drinks. It isn’t like they are going for collective bargaining.
But that’s not where to go for cornhold boards. At all. Where you want to go for either a personalized (or not) cornhole board is my friend Susan’s website, Themuddydog.com. Here’s a link.
The Where now covered, let’s figure The Why. Some of the stuff I write on here, in the back of my head I am going, “I hope they don’t know that already.” But this, I bet my feet you do not know. In cornhole circles, credit is given to a German cabinet maker named Mathias Kuepermann who, in 1325 was watching some kids throw stones in a hole and made boards out of stuff laying around the shop. Why the kids don’t get credit? I don’t know. I also don’t have any proof to offer that Keupermann got their first. Native Americans used to play a version of cornhole with bladders filled with beans. Actually, cornhole may be a version of the bladder game. I guess we will never know.
The talk of bladders brings me back to the drinking aspect of the game. Which is reason number one why you want to play cornhole. It is one of the rare things you can do where you get to both drink and keep score. As always, I recommend the madras. My secret recipe bears repeating.
It isn’t about measuring amounts, it is about measuring time. Take glass. Fill it with ice. You are going to want more than one, which is why we are front-loading with ice. Then, get vodka. Pour. Count to six. For a bigger glass, count slower, duh. Always six. Then orange juice, pour, count to three. Then cranberry juice, count to two. Stir. Play cornhole.
The second reason you want to play cornhole is that you can dress well for it. Here:
Dressing well for cornhole is not a requirement.
Why do I recommend The Muddy Dog? Because they have Ivy-ed up the game. First, Susan is Ivy. We have exchanged a few emails, and you can kinda tell. She thinks she is prep, but I am working that out with her. Here, for example, are some Ivy cornhole boards you can get that their site.
But the personalized cornhole boards. Those are the jam. Here are some we are working on over here. I will show you them when they are made, but this is the idea:
And here, we are starting to Ivy them up:
But the third reason is the most important. The Muddy Dog is going to advertise here (and I am pitching Susan Ivy all over the place, seriously, go check out their site, it is Ivy fraught) and so I am coordinating a photo shoot for the cornhole boards. I am going to feature my family, because they work cheap. So I asked Gramercy (my 14 year old daughter if you are new here) and she said, and this is a realtime quote:
“Huh. Sounds kinda fun. Can I bring Carolina?”
Carolina is her friend. But it gave me a picture. Of Gramercy actually doing stuff with me. And liking it. And then, when I can’t bend over any more, stealing the boards out of the garage and playing with her kids. And not telling them these are grandpa’s boards. But still.
Third box checked.