According to a recent report in The Onion, there’s no bluffing when it comes to go-to-hell pants: You’ve either got the stones inside or you don’t.

There’s no dipping your toe in the pool, no test drive. You’re either a pirate-pant wearing swashbuckler or just a pretender.

“Hey, all I can say is I hope this guy is prepared to go all-in here,” a witness to a red-pants purchase told The Onion, “because once he buys these pants and puts them on there’s no going back.”

And pants are just the ante. Continues The Onion:

“Let me tell you, if this fucker’s not planning on going balls-to-the-wall with a white polo, navy blazer, and a pair of brown loafers with no socks, he better just put those pants back where found ’em, settle on some classic cords, and just move on already. This is the big leagues we’re talking about here.”

If you’re man enough to wear red pants — the kind of big hitter who can navigate the seven seas of multiple metaphors and still keep his poker face — Castaway Clothing has recently revamped its website. There’s a ton of new fun pants, and all sorts of social media options for you to share your trouser badassery.

Likewise, those who prefer to keep their preppy go-to-hellness hidden up their sleeve, so to speak, can opt for patch-madras boxer shorts. — CC

The role of Yale in American popular culture and the sartorial legacy of New Haven together comprise the metaphor of my life.

Ivy Style jogged my memory a few weeks ago when we posted an ad for Macy’s showroom on York Street from a 1941 edition of the Yale Daily News. “Macy’s Knows Its Yale,” the advertisement bragged, unaware that Yale was about to trade in its civilian tweeds for military khakis. Macy’s closed promptly after the attack on Pearl Harbor. After the war, Saks Fifth Avenue opened a sleekly timbered University Shop on the same premises, just two doors from the fabled tables down at Mory’s.

What prompted each of the country’s largest and swankiest department stores to join a cavalcade of stars, including a blackfaced vocalist and America’s top crooner, eager to identify with Yale?

“America’s Crooner” Rudy Vallee, Class of 1926, worked his way through school playing the saxophone and singing at country clubs and proms with the Yale Collegians. Fellow band member and Yale Law School plugger Irving Press, my uncle, shared the stand with him as violinist. Vallee flaunted Yale in vaudeville appearances and Hollywood movies sporting a raccoon coat and warbling “The Whiffenpoof Song” into a megaphone. (Continue)

Now blasting off for $49 courtesy of the evil corporation that ripped off KJP.

I usually don’t go for critters, and actually just got my first critter tie (cross-eyed owls, gold on navy). This would be fun to wear on the Fourth of July and cause double-takes.

If it were a Chipp tie, of course, one of the popsicles would just be a stick. — CC

April is Jazz Appreciation Month. If you’d forgotten, here’s an easy way to remember.

In its honor, here’s a gallery of album covers from the Ivy heyday, when jazz was king of the campus. — CC (Continue)

Richard Press has shared his thoughts with Finnish website Keikari.com. To learn more about our featured columnist and this great scion of Ivy royalty, head over here. — CC

Fred at Unabashedly Prep, recent star of our comments section, has just put up a Paul Newman photo gallery that may include some shots you haven’t seen before, such as this one with popped oxford. Head over here to see the rest. — CC