Grab These: J. Press Schoolboy Mufflers

Update: Announcement of winners

Thanks to all who participated. These many words of wisdom, learned from experience, may pop up in a future post.

Three stood out, however for offering sound advice that would make us all better men. And for that, these three entrants deserve to be better dressed men with a new scarf.

1) Howard reminds us that the tendency to be self-critical can be used to one’s advantage:

“You will always be your fiercest critic and most formidable rival. Make that be your advantage, not an obstacle.”

2) Michael S. reminds us what every man eventually learns, though too many too late:

“Don’t be afraid. Follow your heart and go for it. You’ll only regret what you didn’t do, adventures you didn’t take, lips you didn’t kiss.”

3) And next time you fear you may be spending too much time on the Internet, heed these words of jackbenimble:

“Wake up every morning and ask yourself, ‘What’s the best use of my time?’”

* * *

For the latest Ivy-Style Battle of the Wits giveaway, J. Press has generously donated three schoolboy mufflers, an $89 value, to three lucky winners.

(You won’t be able to choose the colors, but that’ll make receiving it all the more fun.)

To enter, use the leave-comment feature to submit your response to the following question:

If you could travel in time and visit yourself as a “schoolboy” (i.e., teenager) in order to give yourself some advice that age and wisdom has brought, what advice would you give?


a) Study hard and get into a good school; it’ll pay off.

b) Enjoy your youth, it’ll soon be over.

c) Avoid/seek out drunk girls.

Twenty-five words or less, please. Winners will be chosen based on humor, sagacity, and insight into the human condition.

The honor code and usual rules apply: US residents only, one entry per person, etc.

The contest will close Friday at 5 PM Eastern Standard Time.

125 Comments on "Grab These: J. Press Schoolboy Mufflers"

  1. Wake up every morning thinking that that day has the potential to be the best day of your life.

  2. Cut that mullet!

  3. No. You do not look cool. Let me introduce you to…the flat front khaki.

  4. People are as scared of as you are of them, you can get away with a lot more than you think

  5. Your “permanent record” is about as everlasting as your youthful, full hair-line.

  6. People will tell you everything you need to know about them in the first `15 mins. Are you listening?

  7. Pick your college first for the experience and last because your parents tell you. But include girls, sports and school colors in that calculus, too.

  8. DO buy the old school tie and blazer badge. Believe me you’ll thank me in 15 years.

  9. The pimples are temporary. The scarf is forever.

  10. She likes you! Ask her out.

  11. Pablo Vazquez | January 20, 2010 at 12:39 pm |

    Lose the cargo pants. So many pockets, so little style.

  12. Live with purpose and confidence. A laissez-faire mentality only goes so far.

  13. Life is a series of bets, only friends act as a hedge. The riskier your life, the deeper the hedging should be.

  14. If it will make a better story, do it.

  15. Look at people when you talk to them–they want you to know what they’re thinking.

  16. Remember saying she may date the jerk today, but one day you’d be the kind of guy she’d want to marry? You’ll be right.

  17. Sterling Talob Waters | January 20, 2010 at 1:19 pm |

    “Buy as much Apple as possible in 2000 when it dips to around $7/share.”

  18. Be generous, be loyal, and proudly carry on the tradition of the great American male.

  19. Don’t take Sarah Jonhson to senior prom. I’m not kidding.

  20. Always leave a window open before you go out, in case you don’t get back before curfew.

  21. Dear Younger Self: Your aged relatives still speak fluent Choctaw, French, and Creole, their first languages. Beg them to teach you now; it’s harder later.

  22. Firm handshake, eye contact, always a smile on your face.

  23. John Thornton | January 20, 2010 at 1:52 pm |

    Q: When should a man eat the olive in a martini? A: Whenever the hell he wants. Apply this to all life’s questions.

  24. Do it often, you will not go blind!

  25. Lose the virginity sooner, dude. It’s almost Y2k.

  26. Life is too short for you to not take chances. Worry about those school loans AFTER you get out of school, not before.

  27. Don’t pour that bag of stolen nacho cheese on the principal’s Jeep two weeks before graduation.

  28. It’s only gay if you kiss. Kidding. But seriously, nothing is better than a good bromance.

  29. These are the best years of your life. Behave accordingly.

  30. See that girl over there? Yeah, TOTAL waste of time.

  31. Learn to tell a story, cook an omelette, charm a lady, and dress with style.

  32. Tell average-looking girls that they are pretty, and tell pretty girls that they are really smart. For every statement you make to a girl, ask her at least two questions.

  33. During all those crazy late nights, tell the freshmen ladies to put their camaras away, those images can come back and haunt you.

  34. “Don’t go all Holden Caulfield on the prep school.” *

    *wouldn’t have worked but would’ve been worth a shot!

  35. Rob Garrone | January 20, 2010 at 4:07 pm |

    One word: Yahoo. If you can say it your in the money, kid.

  36. Step 1: apprenez une autre langue
    Step 2: take a trip
    Step 3: plan a future trip
    Step 4: repeat 1-3

  37. “Art school” won’t have much of either.

  38. A tight bowtie suggests a tight rectum. Let them know you handcrafted that beautiful knot yourself. Be proud of it.

  39. You will always be your fiercest critic and most formidable rival. Make that be your advantage, not an obstacle.

  40. Just stay calm, don’t be so excitable, it all works out in the end. Oh, and please pay attention in French class.

  41. To be successful you cannot multi-task. You must concentrate on one thing/task at a time.

  42. Don’t make plans. You’re bound to be disappointed when life decides to change things up on you.

  43. foolio_iglesias | January 20, 2010 at 5:24 pm |

    I would have told myself,’Don’t worry,everything is going to work out.Don’t be in a rush to grow up,you’ll be older a lot longer than you’ll be young.Keep playing the trumpet and piano,you were headed for a career in music.Commit to Christ sooner,rather than later…’

  44. Ryan Mitchell Wittingslow | January 20, 2010 at 6:50 pm |

    Move to the USA so you will be eligible to win a J. Press scarf in early 2010.

  45. 1) Be confident–she’ll dig it. 2) Your grandparents know more than you think. 3) Read the constitution (the whole thing).

  46. HRH The Duke of Windsor | January 20, 2010 at 7:01 pm |

    What Mr. Wittingslow said.

  47. As a North American, you can enter, Duke. I just need to keep out those beastly English and Dutch.

  48. Don’t buzz your hair now…you’ll be bald soon enough.

  49. Michael Mattis | January 20, 2010 at 7:23 pm |

    Offer a freebie, get beaucoup responses.

  50. Things get better, a lot better. Eventually, you get to live a fantastic life; no one makes you write a paper on it, or grades you, and there are manuals for most things you need to know. You’ll even feel like there’s more oxygen to breathe as you get older. Just keep breathing.

    Some day, you’ll have your own teenagers, and if you’re really lucky, you’ll remember what it was you survived, and yours’ll have a better time of it, and you will have really changed the course of the world.

  51. Lots of organizations can offer the dissertation service and dissertation international connecting with this post for everybody’s needs. Thus, don’t waste the time, find the thesis writing, buy dissertations and be satisfied.

  52. Take care of your problems as soon as they come…so I won’t have to deal with them.

  53. I’m just going to be candid, here. As I come to the end of my undergraduate education I realize that my “schoolboy education” was immensely more important than I thought it was back then. I would tell myself to actually listen to my parents because they were right when they lectured me about the importance of a solid foundation when it came to my grades and work ethic.

  54. That dress code you think is a pain in the ass will make you a better dresser than 95% of your contemporaries after high school.

  55. Let’s go to Press. I’ll drive. You won’t regret it.

  56. Don’t be afraid. Follow your heart and go for it. You’ll only regret what you didn’t do, adventures you didn’t take, lips you didn’t kiss.

  57. Never underestimate the power of a tie.

  58. Past self, meet Norwegian Sweater.

  59. Do your best to get into the most elitist university possible. Such colleges aren’t better than the others, but somehow everyone thinks so.

  60. Ditch the girl. When you’re older you’ll wish you had spent more time with your buddies (because you won’t get that back.)

  61. Fashion is a sexy yet fickle bitch while Style is a devoted, classy lady who’ll never let you down. Stick with her instead.

  62. You haven’t seen this? It’s a detachable collar. Not many people wear them anymore but they look much better. So many things which were better in the past have been abandoned for supposed convenience. It’s a small thing but symbolically important.

  63. Buy more clothes. Date more women. Confidence, confidence, confidence. England forever, America just a bit longer.

  64. Gregorius Mercator | January 20, 2010 at 9:53 pm |

    Confidence: fake it ’til you make it – no one will know the difference.

  65. With hard work, determination, and careful research you can accomplish anything. Save early and save often. The only thing to fear is fear itself.

    (These are all things that not only apply to my personal life but are applicable to anyone. I didn’t coin the phrases but I think they are important to live by.)

  66. Note this, older than you now are, odd leather bag – once new (last one, buy it!) – put in adventures and take out memories. Good Luck.

  67. Go to grad school sooner and be more confident with women, they won’t bite unless you tell them to.

  68. “Invent the iPod.”

  69. Don’t waste your youth growing up; don’t pen your plans in Sharpie; get some dirt under your fingernails. Dale. It’s okay to be 17.

  70. Get a haircut. You won’t remember any of these losers you hang out with in 5 years. You won’t be punk rock forever.

  71. Don’t quit playing baseball, don’t quit playing the piano. Being an adult has many benefits; having the free time to pursue two of the greatest past-times known to man is not one of them.

  72. Find this woman:(my wife). She’s the one. Woo her. Marry her by 22 (not 31). Say hello to the kids for me. You’re welcome.

  73. 1. You know those skinny, gawky-looking girls in your class? Well at age 35 they’re going to be drop-dead gorgeous while the cheerleaders will be fat and dumpy.

    2. Work hard enough to get into a good law school because the name matters, but once there have fun, pass your classes but don’t sweat the grades. The richest, happiest lawyers I know are the ones who hung out their own shingle because none of the big firms would hire them.

    3. You won’t be in-love for real until you’re at least 30 years old. Date as many women as you can without being a jerk.

    4. You can either drive a really cool, interesting vintage car for the next several years that will occasionally break down, or a brand-new econobox. Get the interesting vintage car. The memories will be worth the occasional breakdown.

  74. Don’t waste you money on trends; the classics never go out of style.

  75. Ask questions of, and listen to those who are older and wiser. They have already been down the path you are just starting.

  76. The funny thing is, I have a friend leaving for college who needed some guidance, and this is what I sent him.

    First – don’t try to get a girlfriend. Schooldays are about meeting as many new and interesting people as you can. Your goal should be to NOT have a girlfriend, but date as many as possible.

    Be the man. Harder said than done.

    Judge women based on: equal parts, body, face, and personality (guys usually get blinded by the first two and ignore the 3rd, leaving them with a crazy chick).
    Learn to recognize ‘the crazy’, and avoid it like the plague.
    Once you get out of college the first thing her girlfriends will ask is ‘what does he do?’ (in other words, this is what is what women are most interested in).
    Never act desperate.
    Never settle.
    Don’t tolerate intolerable behavior.
    Don’t be predictable.
    Don’t be a doormat.
    Women love a challenge.

  77. Buy more vintage plaid wool blazers and wear them confidently. You can pull it off—you are a more interesting person than you think.

  78. Kid…. lose the turtleneck.

  79. This blogging thing: it’s gonna be big. Start now.

  80. Wear a bathing suit as often as you can. Your body will never again look that good or tight. Don’t be embarassed! You are smokin’ hot.

  81. Take care of those eyes, coke-bottle frames are OK, not coke-bottle lenses. Part your hair to the side and untuck your t-shirt.

  82. The human memory is horrible. Keep a journal, eat lots of fish.

  83. Dating a girl in college is for the guys who can’t get laid every weekend.

  84. variety is the spice of life..i.e. have sex with more exotic women!

  85. The note you don’t play is just as important as the one you do.

  86. Sounds cliché, but relax and do what you do. Everyone is too busy focusing on their own flaws to notice yours.

  87. The only rule without exception, is that everyone thinks that they are the exception to the rules.

  88. Always remember … J – E – T – S !! Jets, Jets, Jets!!!

  89. School is a lot easier when you stop playing Prisoner/Guard with your teachers.

  90. Go far, far away for college, and never look back!

  91. Jay Guillermo | January 21, 2010 at 12:50 pm |

    Don’t quit playing the piano. The piano teacher was right. Women are very impressed by awesome piano playing. Also, don’t be scared, just kiss her!

  92. Try not to be such an asshole.

  93. get your dictionary. look up “sagacious.” BOOM!

  94. Always act like a gentleman because your reputation is easy to lose and difficult to regain.

  95. You turn out fine.

  96. Jason Rowley | January 21, 2010 at 4:08 pm |

    Those square-toed shoes you wore to prom as a sophomore, they didn’t make you look “modern”.

  97. Open a J Press boutique in Tokoyo. And read The Feminine Mystique.

  98. Tom Buchanan | January 21, 2010 at 5:09 pm |

    1. Step up to the plate;
    2. Swing for the fences;
    3. This applies outside of basebase as well.

  99. Stock up on gasoline, baby pandas, and Obama rookie-presidential-candiate cards.

  100. No matter how out of control the evening gets….always look like a gentleman…people respect you more for at least looking like you keep
    your composure…

  101. wear men’s clothes with unabashed enthusiasm, date without timidity, and give a big finger to those who tell you that you can’t do it.

  102. Don’t step in the shit.

  103. Do not neglect adding a healthy amount of J.CREW wear to your
    wardrobe. Better to be JCREWED with than JSCREWED without.

  104. EXCUSE ME….better to be JPRESSED with than JDEPRESSED without.

  105. Christopher | January 21, 2010 at 9:38 pm |

    you’ll still get suspended, but punching that bully in spanish class was the right thing to do.

  106. Imp, avast ye! Heed these words for when ye arrive at university: 18 year old Elijah Craig Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey.

  107. Although it will sound like an excellent idea at the time, do not take a degree in Classics, let alone three.

  108. The “Roadkill” Jncos are a terrible idea. Seriously man.

  109. You’ll get to have a job for the rest of your life. Enjoy being a teenager.

  110. jackbenimble | January 22, 2010 at 8:48 am |

    Wake up every morning and ask yourself “whats the best use of my time.”

  111. Find your passion and devote your life to it, You may not be rich but you’ll always be happy. One more thing–raid dad’s closet.

  112. Yeah, that student loan you took out to help fund that spring break trip to Panama City Beach…you’re still paying it off.

    But it was worth it. Enjoy every sandwich.

  113. Keep your eyes set on your goals. Criticism comes mostly from people who are jealous of your accomplishments. Dress properly for the occsassion. When you fall in love, fall hard!

  114. Learn from things you can’t appreciate.

  115. F**k Art, Let’s Dance.

  116. Don’t be afraid to do the things that might embarrass you — everyone is not looking at you, and they won’t remember even if they are

  117. Avoid the temptation to drink a 5th of Smirnoff before your PR final. You might actually pass.

  118. Don’t live for the day without thinking about tomorrow.

  119. My wish for you:
    comfort on difficult days,
    smiles when sadness intrudes,
    laughter to kiss your lips,
    confidence for when you doubt,
    courage to know yourself.

  120. Blue Horseshoe Loves Microsoft – Ticker symbol MSFT

  121. The greatest gift you can give your neighbors is a well kept family, home, and yard. Take pride in your family, your home, and your appearance. Always be a gentleman it is the best way to show your strength.

  122. Take a year off and then go. And for God’s sake transfer to somewhere more fun.

  123. Every time we run these, we always get a few responses not only after the contest has closed, but even after the winners have been announced.

    I wonder if people pay that little attention when they’re reading the other posts. If so, I won’t fret over typos so much.

  124. Always drink a good whiskey out of a glass tumbler.

  125. B. Charlesworth | January 28, 2010 at 12:02 am |

    1. Life’s too short to drink cheap beer.

    2. Marry Up.

    3. When in doubt, wear a tie.

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